i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
