THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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