oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
