Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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