erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
