1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
