still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
