I CAN MOONWALK!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
