nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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