He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
