I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we made out on top of his cat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
