and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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