I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
