He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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