Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
