Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
