so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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