He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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