What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
