no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
