Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
