Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
