So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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