the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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