I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
