We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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