i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
