on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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