Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
