Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
