the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
