some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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