You're so nebulous sometimes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
