Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
