i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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