then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
