absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
