He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how drunk are you?
Several
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pooping to opera.
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