I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
