I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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