Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
