we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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