sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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