..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
