3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
