i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
