I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
