I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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