I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
