who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
