i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
