Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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