What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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