This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
