I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
