I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
