so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
