dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
