Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
