My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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