There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
