a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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