a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
