I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
