i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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