There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
