Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just threw up on my dentist
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
