he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
