drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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