I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
