So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
