I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
