I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
