the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
