i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize