if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
