I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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