i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
