he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
