I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
